tldr, I suck at life.
Continue below for the long version, which honestly is what TPAB is known for. Stupidly long versions of stuff.
Let Me Just Rant, Damn It
On May 31st, I am going to lose my job. It came right out of nowhere, and I was so shocked because I taught I was doing well. I did my duties and I passed all my sh*t before deadlines. As I read my performance evaluations, I soon realized where I tripped up. I wasn’t social enough. It’s kinda funny that it’s not the quality of my work that ruined me. It’s the fact that I didn’t connect with my co-workers and my b*tch of a boss. I am a massive introvert and I was stuck at home for five years before I ventured out of my comfort zone. From the start, I was a mess but I soon learned to find my little corner at my workplace. Unfortunately, office politics is real and it was basically the reason why the performance evaluation sucked.
They call it the halo effect. Basically, my boss doesn’t really know me. Instead, he gathered his evaluation from my co-workers. I personally don’t like my co-workers. They’re loud, they gossip and they’re just bad energy for me. I also technically don’t have co-workers, because I work alone with the preschool teachers for the rest of my work days. Unfortunately, they don’t work for my department so I was basically portrayed as this guy that doesn’t work well with others. I do understand my faults, and this is really a big lesson for me. When I don’t see eye to eye with people, I really just avoid them. Why bother, right? They’re the ones looking foolish while you’re composed and mature enough not to play their game, except you should play their game. Be confrontative, be aggressive and fake your way into their good grace. I am squirming at those ideas, because that’s not really me. Sadly, I saw my evaluation and perception is reality.
I cried. It sucked. I’m proud of my job, and it didn’t translate in this new place. I saw my students grow and improve, but it didn’t matter. I was seen as a rigid person who doesn’t like to work with the team. It’s frustrating, but I know my faults.
I was depressed throughout the month, because I really like this job. I fell in love with my students, and I’ve grown attached with some of them. The place itself doesn’t want me though, so I have no choice but to leave. I think back to the scary timing when I got this job. I was hired in a four day period, and I just knew this was the place for me. Whatever powerful being controls my destiny put me in that school, and I am very thankful for it. Now, he’s telling me to leave and I just can’t believe it.
But you know what? I sent my resume out to any available positions, and one came back to me. I just signed my contract after a three day hiring period. It’s scary how timing works. They always say that you’re always one decision away from changing your life for the better, and I think that’s true.
I am currently reflecting at my 9 months at the school, and I realized I came into that place completely unprepared. Naturally, I leave the place defeated. A failure. Except, you don’t really fail. You just learn.
The best teachers are failures, and the best indication of learning from those teachers is success.
So, TPAB? You Still There?
My work really consumed my life, and I will admit I left TPAB unattended. I was in no mood to review stuff, tbh. As I try and basically redo my journey, I can tell you TPAB will still remain dormant. For the past months, I was dealing with this kid that likes to bite people and I basically spent all my attention teaching him not to bite. I actually helped him find another outlet before I realized I was losing my job, so that was a beautiful gut punch. TPAB will stay quiet for the remainder of the year, sadly.
I will be active in June though. I realized I just passed my eight year anniversary, so I plan on doing something for that.
I also promised to review an anime for my backer. I’m sorry, Yomu. I’m also surprised you’re still giving me money. Stop it. But I’ll review your requested anime straight away.
I finished Death Parade awhile back, so expect a review of that one.
I’m also weirdly into One Punch Man at the moment. The first season is insane and the JC Staff attempt is frustratingly bad, so I’m actually reading the manga. The story has plateau’d and the Mary Sue has basically fulfilled his intended role. I like the story so far. I never thought reading manga in your phone while you wait for the bus can be satisfying.
Mentally, I’m not really ready to dive back into TPAB’s world but I will try my best.
Yomu, you can recommend me one anime a month. It’s part of the patreon deal, so you owe me four more anime. Give me your anime, because I’m not sure how to give your money back and I don’t want to earn money without really earning it. 12 eps only please. Don’t troll by giving me Boku no Pico. I already planned that as my 666th review.
Also, Keiko, I saw the live action of After The Rain. It sucks. It’s like someone skimming the manga and leaving important stuff out. I wanna try the manga next.
Anyways, that’s my update.
I’ll be active this June so see ya when I see ya.
I’m glad you found another place and it does totally suck when you there are parts of your job you adore, like the kids. I’m one of those believers who thinks that Boss Man always has a plan when things start taking drastic changes. I never used to be, but within the last year or so especially, I have noticed this trend. Maybe it was time for you to move on to something better where you can be valued as an individual much more than social skills. I think it’s awesome you’re self-aware of what needs to change for you and what doesn’t. That took me a long time to learn.
I’ve been following you for a long time now and I’ll always be here to support you, no matter how long of a break you take. I understand very well that sometimes life shit happens. I wish you all of the best with the new job and hope you settle in and can find another place that you enjoy.
I am also cynical of the Boss Man and praying to a higher being, but I am slowly coming around. I mean, the dude hasn’t really left me dangling so I feel thankful for that. And yeah, life can just be stupid and unpredictable. SOmetimes you just need confidence to face it all.
and thank you so much. I’ll do my best to be active again 🙂
Wow you’ve had a rough time but I’m glad you found another job so congrats on that! It sucks that you lost your job over not socialising with your co-workers which is a bit strange but at least you now you can move on to some place that will, hopefully, value you for who you are what you have to offer.
Take as long as a break you need from the blog and concentrate on what’s important. Sometimes real life is just a mess and that comes first.
Also, wow the movie was that bad? I’m going to start reading the manga now that I finally have some time! Hopefully that will be a good read until the very end!
Good luck with your new job and I hope the new place is a good place that you’ll like! 😊
yeah, I hate real life. It’s not as smooth as most anime. hahaha
thank you, cakes. I’ll do what I need to do and then let’s co-op a post again.
yeah, I downloaded the movie. It sucks. the characters are spot on but the entire 12 eps of the anime is condensed to the five twenty five minutes so imagine all the juicy character development basically cut out.
That’s true. Hopefully things will get better though!
That would be nice! 🙂
Ahh I see… I guess it’s not really worth the watch then.
That sucks. Here I was thinking things were going great because of all those pictures (lol), but I’m happy to hear you got a new job right away. Take your time. Good chance that I’ll still be around when you get back xD
akala ko din pre. sumablay sa supervisor. pota, medyo may galit ata sa akin. ewan ko. in fairness, di tlga tama ung eval nya pero may mali din nmn ako. so nag hanap nko ng bagong work. buti nkakuha ng bgo. same salary din nmn hahaha
dami ko bng pics? hahahaha saya kasi ng work ko tapos mwawala n 😦
As I’m sure many of us are, I’m an introvert as well. With the whole co-workers thing, the best thing that ever happened to me was working retail for many years through highschool and university. It taught me to always “fake it” to customers, to the point where I essentually have a separate persona for work compared to at home. It’s just the way this world works. I seem social at work only to go straight home and do nothing of value, only to repeat the cycle. Glad you got another job, I’ll be praying for your success there.
And let’s just go with one anime at a time haha. If you really feel guilty, then consider my request to be that you just keep on blogging and working towards your lofty goal of 1000 views. 🙂
I too have made a persona when interacting with kids and parents. I put on the fakest of smile, but my honesty still comes through and parents eventually respond positively to it. Guess I need to make one for my workplace as well. It just sucks, losing a job over something so trivial.
and you are too kind! I’ll review the Art club anime, but I insist, if you want you can recommend me more anime.
but thanks for the support. it really means a lot. 🙂
Office politics are the worst. On the flip side though, while I may act differently at work, I have made some good friends by doing so. So it’s not all bad.
yeah, it’s new to me. politics is a weird game. I need to learn how to play it hahaha
me too. I have some good friends that I truly connect with, but they’re not in my department. hahaha
Congrats on finding a new job, but I know you wish you didn’t have to have that stress of finding a new one on your shoulders.
yeah, the rejection and the travel to an unknown place is all stressful. but luckily it’s all over now. the stress is now more on adjusting to new people and a new place. haha
Hi, i know that feeling and it really sucks being left out at work. Nonetheless, I wish you well and good luck to your future endeavor. Be strong and just like how I managed to blend in at work without losing my introvert and otaku side, I hope you’ll find a job too which is suited for you on which you will never lose your real self. Cheer up!
yeah i hope this next journey will be a lot better than the old one 🙂
Dang, I just found about this blog because I was looking for some reviews on Glasslip and found out that you wrote reviews for anime that was made in 2014, the year that I stopped watching anime (i’m trying to get back into it). Hopefully you’ll come back and review some more.
If I had the free time and energy then I could’ve finished 2014 anime a long time ago. I think I’ll be moving on to 2015 soon since I’m mostly done with 2014.
hope you enjoy the shows you’ll discover here 🙂
We all have problems: small ones, big ones, crazy ones, sad ones, angry ones. Now that I read this, I have a better understanding on what is happening with your life. There are problems you can deal by yourself, and some problems you can solve with a little help from your friends. And always, “if life backs you in a corner, come out swinging!”
thank you 🙂
“Be confrontative, be aggressive and fake your way into their good grace. I am squirming at those ideas, because that’s not really me. Sadly, I saw my evaluation and perception is reality.”
Another option, if you don’t mind me offering advice, is to find an environment that’s not insane. There are ton of bad bosses out there; there are some good ones, too. Same with environments: Many toxic, some not.
I hope you end up in a nurturing environment where your boss and coworkers understand that personality types aren’t indications of failure. They’re hints about ways to communicate.
Besides, as a current and past boss myself, I would consider myself an abject failure if I fire someone out of nowhere. It’s my job as a leader to make sure my people are prepared and prosper. If they don’t? That’s on me.
that’s basically what I did, find a new environment, but I really only had to do that after I realized the school no longer wanted me. hahaha. I’m just glad I can continue working elsewhere.
thank you for your advice.
Sounds like everything worked out better than expected, so it was a relief.
yeah, hopefully I’m still moving forward.
I always enjoy updates on your life. I’m glad you’re still hanging in there and treating this as a learning experience. I agree with Yomu to work on developing a worksona to boost others’ impression of you in the workplace. It’s something I’ve been trying to accomplish myself and fake it until I make it. I’ve actually been turned down for promotions because I’m not as outgoing or social in the workplace as those that are promoted, literally it’s just the office politics participation points I’m lacking. It’s taken time but I feel like I’ve been boosting my stock in my workplace and getting people to know and like me more, even though it goes against my instincts. It’s too bad you weren’t given the chance to make that change at this job, but it seems that it will be good for you to get away from this workplace and the people that were affecting you and move along to a change of scenery. Good luck in your worksona growth at your new job. It’s all a work in progress. Keep us posted! We enjoy you for more than anime of course and there’s no need to feel bad for shifting your priorities. Go Pantless Go! At your own pace of course. /o/
thank you vixen. I’m so blessed to have a long time supporter like you.
and if you want to be outgoing, I still want to get to know you better, lol. just tell me when 🙂
and good luck on your worksona as well. I’m sure you’ll do amazing. I’ll work on mine as well and hopefully I can nail it the second time around.
I definitely know the feeling of being an introvert. Granted, I’m nowhere near hikkikomori status, but I do spend a lot of time alone with blogging, working on my books, recording, and recently learning new languages. It sucks that you were fired, but at least you have a new job. I hope you can crank out some more content on your blog. Shame I have to be on hiatus for reviewing things again.
I realize it’s been a while since I last rapped at ya, I’ve been off anime for like a year but I figured I was about time I checked in again.
Getting fired really blows, especially if it has never happened to you before. The first time I got fired I would have been less stunned if my boss had brought me into his office and unexpectedly smacked me in the face. The circumstances of me being let go were rather similar to yours, one of the big factors they pointed to me was my lack of communication, which really stemmed from me being an introvert and not used to speaking up in front of crowds and at meetings.
But it looks like things worked out, congrats on your new job. How old of kids do you teach anyways?
Hey, didn’t you also promise someone else an anime review? Something about FLCL for someone? I’m sure whoever wanted it isn’t impatient at all, and they totally aren’t sitting alone in a dark room drinking Jack Daniels while anxiously tapping their fingers on the table in anticipation. (In all seriousness I forgot all about it and I’m sure you did too, I don’t even remember a whole lot about the show. I guess that will teach me the importance of greasing the wheels through Pateron)
As far as anime goes, I see that you gave “Yuuki Yuuna wa Yuusha de Aru” a perfect score. I guess I will be compelled to watch it now even though I have been off anime. It had better be fricking amazing! 🙂